Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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