I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
