Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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