if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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