One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
