i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
