yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
