wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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