My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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