Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
