i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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