PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
