hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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