Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
