You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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