when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
