Too much gin, very little bucket
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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