Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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