I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
