I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
