Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think i have herpe
just one?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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