I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
honey bunches of taint.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
