Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
