Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize