how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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