Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
