Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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