OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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