I can't watch pbs sober anymore
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
