I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
