Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
