speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
