I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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