Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize