I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
