I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
