So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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