Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
