I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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