I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
