He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
