I am in a vortex of obligation.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
