i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
