Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
