We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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