are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
