okay pat passed out under dana's car
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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