im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
