my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
