the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
