i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
