Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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