I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
