I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I need water and some morals
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize