I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
