My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
