Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
