Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I fill condoms, not promises.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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