oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
