matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
