there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize