Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
