He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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