one two three fourrrrnication!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
