Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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