My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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