is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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