is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
