She is in my trunk
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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