She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
