he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
