You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
