Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
