Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
