fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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