I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I AM VODKA MAN
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
