bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
