Did you just see the Batmobile???
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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