he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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