we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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