do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
