I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
