hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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