i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
