my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
