I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
