She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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