hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
