I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
