listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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