im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
