well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
