hell yes lets make some ravioli
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
