please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
