I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
