Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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