I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
