I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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