After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
