Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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