I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
