and next time when you feel me up, do it right
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
