How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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