I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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