he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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