dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
